Vegan mom demands that adult daughter go vegetarian for 30 days as a birthday gift, she refuses to change her lifestyle: "She is trying to control what I eat"

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    WIBTA If I refuse to change my diet for my mom's birthday

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    My mom's asking me to go vegetarian or at least stop eating red meat for 30 days as a birthday gift. She's been vegan for years and I've never had an issue with it. I try things she makes and a lot of the
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    food is good. She decided to go vegan for moral reasons, and later also for her health since things had come up that required the diet change anyway so it was great timing for her. However, in the very
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    beginning (when i was a teenager) she was extremely pushy about me giving up animal products and would try to get me to feel guilt for eating animal products from watching videos of how
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    they are s This didn't go well and we butted heads A LOT. Years later, I'm an adult now and we have stopped the fights over it and we live our lives the way we want. I'm not the kind of person who eats meat every day for every single meal, but
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    it is part of my preferred diet. She would make comments here and there that would insinuate her trying to encourage to give up meat if a specific meal didn't agree with me or simply me just expressing how much I prefer fish over any other
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    meat. I feel this might be a touchy subject for me because of her pushy behavior in the past and I immediately want to reject the request, but now I am feeling guilty. It's not nessarily a difficult task
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    but it would take a lot of mindfulness on my part, changing how I grocery shop and deny certain things I would otherwise enjoy. I personally don't think this is a fair request because she is essentially
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    trying to control what i eat and knowing my mother, this is her buy in to try to get me to stop meat entirely and will severely disappoint her in the end. that I don't change my mind about eating meat, which will cause tension. WIBTA if I refuse this request?
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    Urbanyeti0 NTA ask her if she's be willing to eat meat and fish for an entire month as a birthday gift to you OP, bet you anything she's say no, so why does she think it's appropriate to do it the other way?
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    nursingintheshadows This. Turn about is fair play.
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    hopelesscaribou It's not the same thing. I'm sure OP eats vegetables, fruits and grains with no restrictions. No one is asking OP to eat something they are morally opposed to. While I agree that it's not a request OP should have to accommodate, it's not the same thing. NTA
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    Going AllTheJay It's the exact same thing - trying to control someone else's diet and force your preferred set of morals onto them. Including (not limiting someone to) a new thing is the same as taking one away.
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    Heavy-Macaron2004 Okay I agree the initial request is out of line, but this is a ridiculous comparison.
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    Meat eaters eat things that are not meat. This is just a fact. Vegans never ever eat things that are meat. This is a fact. Equating those two things is absolutely ridiculous. Come on now, man.
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    JenlsSalty I would tell her if she gets to ask you not to eat meat for her birthday, you get to ask her to eat meat for yours. Then watch her try to explain why she gets to do it but you can't!
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    StarshineSoul NTA. Let me control your behavior for 30 days is a weird request. Like is she going to check in on you every meal? That sounds overbearing and annoying
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    bouncy-belly-giggles Yeah this was my first thought. Do you live with her? It may not feel great but couldn't you just tell her you're vegan for 30 days and just not eat meat in front of her?
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    With someone this overbearing but you don't want to lose the relationship it may be that you just tell her what she wants to hear. She lives in her fantasy, and you get her off your back. Lying isn't great but neither is the controlling behavior. It's a way keep your boundaries with someone who won't accept them.
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    GoingAllTheJay The kind of person that would make this request is the kind of person that would demand proof.
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    BogBabe NTA. Not only is that request a stupid as f birthday gift, it is really just a control move by her to control your diet. If you were to do it, it would forever be the example she brings up whenever she tries to get you to go vegan: "something-something it didn't kill you, did it?" Tell her that's not on the table as a possible birthday gift, but she can have flowers or chocolates.
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    nervelli Exactly. It is definitely about control and she will definitely use it as ammunition to reopen the argument.
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    Also, gift recipients don't get to dictate what their present is. They can suggest what they would like, but that doesn't entitle them to it. If she had said that she wanted a new car for a gift the obvious
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    response would be, "That's nice, but it's not happening. Do you have any reasonable gift requests, or am I getting you a robe?" This request should be met with the same response.
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    Gnardashians YWNBTA if she wants to have a vegan birthday dinner, that's fine and I'm sure you could oblige her for that one meal. But 30 days is controlling and weird
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    MolassesInevitable53 "Allow me to control your diet" is not an acceptable birthday gift request.
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    iheartwords NTA and this seems like a classic give an inch and they'll take a mile situation. I suggest telling your mom that controlling and manipulating your life isn't
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    an appropriate gift. She might reject that characterization but she has been doing this for years and it seems like it's only escalating. Put an end to it before it seriously damages your relationship.

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